Why Do We Avoid Conflict – Part 2 (Guest Post)
Nothing happens.
Opportunity lost.
Time wasted in another mind-numbing meeting.
Many people are “conflict averse.” Often it is the result of childhood experiences – perhaps a parent or sibling who was overbearing, domineering, a bully, etc.
But, here’s the deal, their behavior is essentially driven by insecurity and fear… the fear of being wrong, belittled, unappreciated or respected. For humans, that kind of fear is paralyzing.
Fiercely protecting and defending the individual and their importance… and smacking anyone who is critical.
Great leaders need and want conflict.
They provide a safe place and environment for an open and candid discussion. When there are too many nodding heads, they might even become the devil’s advocate as a tool for engaging the team members.
“Yes-men” are a dime a dozen—professional brown-nosers who would never be the one to tell the emperor he is naked.
Conflict is much like the tension in a good story. It provides different perspectives, anticipates problems, and often becomes the embryo of innovation.
Conflict isn’t permission to be a jackass. Leaders, especially, must learn the gentle art of disagreeing without being disagreeable.
Leaders should clearly articulate a sincere desire to hear different opinions that will stimulate a productive discussion. But that conflict shouldn’t ooze out of the team’s discussions in the form of renegade minority reports. To every team there is a time to plant and a time to reap… a time to build up, a time to break down… a time to gain and a time to lose…
To everything (turn, turn, turn) There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven. – a rough paraphrase of King Solomon’s words in Ecclesiastes 3… words that reached a new generation by Pete Seeger’s adaptation and 1965 hit record by The Byrds.
Dennis Seely has over 30 years experience in senior leadership positions focused on sales, marketing, and communications for national media and research companies, and is passionate about bringing out the best in other people. He can be reached at: dennis@theseelygroup.com or 214-2DENNIS
